Go south, young polar bear

New campaign plans to relocate polar bears to Antarctica

Posted by Lisa Hymas at 10:21 PM on 31 Mar 2008

Read more about: US Fish and Wildlife Service | funnies | John McCain | endangered species | polar bears

[UPDATE: This post is a joke, as is the Polar Bear Conservancy website. Happy April Fools' Day!]

While the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service dawdles over whether or not to list the polar bear as a federally protected endangered species, a nonprofit group is ready to act to save the fast-disappearing mammal. The Polar Bear Conservancy has announced a new program that aims to relocate 3,000 polar bears from the rapidly melting Arctic to the Antarctic -- which, yes, is also rapidly melting, but still has a lot more ice for the bears to roam around on.

GOP presidential candidate John McCain expressed support for the plan on Monday, saying, "This is exactly the kind of creative public-private partnership we ought to be exploring."

There's more info at the Polar Bear Conservancy website, and there's a Facebook group for the project too.

For story: Go south, young polar bear
27 Comments | Post a Comment

Yay!

And wipe out all the endemic species of penguins and seals, and other critters! I applaud the systematic approach taken in this ecologically-aware plan!

What the fuck? It's either not going to work, and the bears will die out anyway, or they'll become a weed species. Either way, no-one gives a shit about the bears, it's just a publicity stunt, and one that's going to backfire horribly if it goes ahead.

check out http://www.envirowiki.info, the knowledge database for environmentalists and activists.

by naught101 at 11:00 PM on 31 Mar 2008

hrrm..

I hope this has something to do with the date..

check out http://www.envirowiki.info, the knowledge database for environmentalists and activists.

by naught101 at 11:03 PM on 31 Mar 2008

This is exactedly the kind of

dimwittedness that we do NOT want to put in the White House for four years.

Chickens deserve our true friendship! So do fish! So do other sentient beings! Let us learn to be kind.

by caniscandida at 11:06 PM on 31 Mar 2008

Who are the donors?

I don't think there currently are any medium to large sized land predators in Antarctica. Introducing a large predator into an environment such as that would drastically alter the food chain in the area and could put other species at risk. Nesting penguins would be particularly vulnerable to large, mobile predators, which would probably gather to focus on them when they are nesting because they would be so much easier to catch than seals.

This group's web site says Antarctica has abundant food supplies. But the dodo was once abundant in its environment too, before large predators showed up.

3,000 bears might cause problems for the seals too, from direct predation and from reductions in the penguin population, on which seals sometimes feed.

I'm not convinced this is a good idea. I wonder where they got approval to move that many bears.

Having read the promo on their web site, I'd be very interested to know which corporations and private donors are funding this. It sounds almost like someone is trying to avoid dealing with GHG emissions by moving the high-profile "victims", with little regard for the consequences. If they can say the bears are "saved", media images showing polar bears may cease to motivate people to reduce emissions.

Hoping to be nice.

by MisterNiceGuy at 11:11 PM on 31 Mar 2008

"abundant food supplies"

Excellent observation, MisterNiceGuy. Presumably the brilliant person who came up with this ship-the-bears-south idea had seals in mind, as what the polar bears are supposed to eat (and not penguins). But Antarctic seals have a different relationship with ice and ocean than have the Arctic seals that polar bears are used to.

And anyway, just because there are a lot of biomassive seals in a place does not mean it is a simple thing to introduce a big predator into the neighborhood.

Your cynical final paragraph makes sense, on top of Naught101's opinion: it is all about "trying to avoid dealing with GHG emissions," with a pleasant-looking technology-is-the-solution PR device.

Chickens deserve our true friendship! So do fish! So do other sentient beings! Let us learn to be kind.

by caniscandida at 11:35 PM on 31 Mar 2008

What is the right number of Fur Seals?

When I visited Antarctica (http://www.grist.org/comments/dispatches/2003/01/06/reifm ...), the naturalists on our trip told us that there may have once been many more Fur Seals.

Even though the population has recoved to over a million. That doesn't mean that it's a healthy, diverse population. Setting hungry polar bears onto them could decimate them. It could be as bad as the 19th century!

We need to address the root cause of warming...not patchworks...and we need to do it soon...because these bears are in trouble!
http://www.adn.com/news/alaska/ap_alaska/story/359798.htm ...

If there is a hell, Inhofe belongs there.

by newscloud at 11:53 PM on 31 Mar 2008

This is insane

So the idea is, first they'll gorge on the helpless eggs and chicks of penguins and other birds (who are absolutely unadapted to any sort of land predator), and once this massacre is complete then they'll go back to eating seals? But Antarctic seals, I believe, don't rely on airholes in the ice the was Arctic seals do. And that's the way polar bears are adapted to hunting them. So I imagine the end result would be the bears starving anyway, unless these people are planning to feed them.

The above comment was correct: this is a cynical attempt to convince the public that the charismatic polar bear has been "saved", so that's one icon of global warming you don't need to worry about.
How did McCain latch onto this? Obviously through prior coordination. Just follow the Conservancy link in the post - they have Grover Norquist's endorsement as well.

by Russ at 12:54 AM on 01 Apr 2008

"They like minke whale"

They (the polar bears) would probably like anything from McDonalds', including the ketchup, but that does not mean we want them hanging around fast-food restaurants.

<<
Antarctica offers more than 5.4 million square miles of glacial habitat and a variety of food sources for the polar bear: emperor, adelie, rockhopper, chinstrap and gentoo penguins; leopard, fur, weddell and elephant seals; and humpback, minke, blue and orca whales.
>>

Right. So why in the world is it just. and right, to think of those animals as no more than polar-bear-food?! Antarctic animals want to spend some time on Earth in peace, after all, without being bit into.

<<
In partnership with the Polar Bear Conservancy, Iceland's Reykjavik Zoo has been test-feeding samples of various Antarctic species to their polar bears. "They really like the minke and blue whale meat supplied by our government research expeditions," said chief zoo biologist Katrin Jonsdottir.
>>

Yum yum. No doubt the minke and blue whales are thrilled. "Ain't science great!," they are quoted as saying.

Chickens deserve our true friendship! So do fish! So do other sentient beings! Let us learn to be kind.

by caniscandida at 3:20 AM on 01 Apr 2008

Not again.

I really, truly hope that the bears find a way to make themselves at home in the food chain without destroying it. (For their sake!)

However, there's a reason that there are no polar bears down there, and it's probably a good one. 5 years from now, when they've eaten up all the penguins, people will be shouting 'WTF!? This was a B-A-D idea from the getgo, and now look what's happened.'

Just go talk to all those critters over in Australia that are being wiped out by the stoat, or any other number of examples.

This is not the solution, it's putting a band-aid on a ruptured artery. (And the band-aid may just have salt in it.) People are going to say 'Look! The bleeding stopped!', turn their back, and it's going to start bleeding again. This time it might sting a little more, too.

We don't need a band-aid, we need well aimed direct pressure!

You mut be the change you wish to see in the world. -Mahatma Gandhi

by Meagan at 4:23 AM on 01 Apr 2008

Huh?

4/01/08 Duh

by KenG at 5:38 AM on 01 Apr 2008

Let's get serious . . .

Keep the polar bears where they belong; send the energy dinosaurs to the moon - better still to Mars!

by LGT at 5:46 AM on 01 Apr 2008

You been had

Its obviously an April Fool's Joke.

by josullivan58 at 5:55 AM on 01 Apr 2008

I heard the NRDC thinks they're toast anyway...

and wants to try making ethanol with them. Charismatic megafuana ethanol--don't knock it 'til you've tried it.

Victual Reality

by Tom Philpott at 6:01 AM on 01 Apr 2008

I cann't bear to think about it

Folks,

I found this on the web:

About The Polar Bear Conservancy

Founded in 2006, the Polar Bear Conservancy is dedicated to protecting the polar regions' most magnificent mammal.

Contact:
Lisa Stahl, Director of Media Relations
The Polar Bear Conservancy
206-784-0309
http://www.polarbearconservancy.org

Will they teach the bears to climb rope ladders to scale the 500 foot snow cliffs that rim the Antarctic coast.

Save us from these misguided ones.

John McCormick

by johnmcc793 at 6:12 AM on 01 Apr 2008

Interesting

But I think a better idea would be to genetically engineer warm-weather polar bears that can live comfortably in exurban Atlanta. Monsanto is actively investigating this possibility.

www.terrapass.com/blog

by Adam Stein at 6:14 AM on 01 Apr 2008

Durh

Oh man, don't read emails before breakfast. I've been had. XD

You mut be the change you wish to see in the world. -Mahatma Gandhi

by Meagan at 6:22 AM on 01 Apr 2008
[ Parent ]

Pole Flip

They'll have to swap names of course...since "Ant" (anti) "Arctic" (bear) means the absence of bears...

by jabailo at 6:44 AM on 01 Apr 2008

BTW

The Arctic is getting real busy; the energy companies want the polar bears out of the way because they're bad news for business! Fatal PR errors for any multinational to have the cuddly creatures seen walking around their construction machinery, backhoes, excavators, dozers, drilling platforms ... or run over by trucks and hauling equipment.

Tried and tested solution? Send them to "reservations!"

by LGT at 8:03 AM on 01 Apr 2008

It'll never happen...

...for one thing, under international treaty, Antartica is a scientific and natural preserve. To relocate polar bears to the Antartic mainland would require approval of the "host" nations, who would never allow such a thing.

Second, to actually transport, track, and sustain a viable population would require mucho dinero. And nobody who is rich enough to fund it is stupid enough to do it, or face the horrible publicity from it.

by Tasermons Partner at 8:09 AM on 01 Apr 2008

Fools!

In the end, it all comes down to biodiversity. Poison Darts--Protecting the biodiversity of our world

by biodiversivist at 10:21 AM on 01 Apr 2008

It's April Fools Day.

Guess what? Al Gore isn't running for president either. I had a good time reading the comments though.

by hikerreese at 10:55 AM on 01 Apr 2008

Time zones and reputations...

Yurgh! The jokes can start earlier to the east, which means we get some of them, like this one, the evening before. Now where did I put that eastern-time-zone dunce cap?

It's interesting that industrialists have so thoroughly tarnished their reputations that some of us have no trouble believing they would carry out such an unwise relocation plan. This "joke" plan seems to fit right in with mountain top removal, CAFO, subsidies for buying giant SUVs, and dozens of other jokes which, sadly, don't seem to be very funny.

Perhaps the fact that this plan only made it to "joke" status is a hopeful sign for them.

:-)

Hoping to be nice.

by MisterNiceGuy at 2:05 PM on 01 Apr 2008

I'm sure Rush will start talking about it next wk

After April Fool's, this may seem like a good idea to the righties to eliminate the damn PR mess of drowning polar bearies trying to escape death by climbing up the walls of oil platforms...

If there is a hell, Inhofe belongs there.

by newscloud at 2:22 PM on 01 Apr 2008
[ Parent ]

Antartic Polar Bears

I don't know whether to laugh or cry that people are really serious about relocating the Polar Bears to Antartic. Has any one done studies on how it will impact the ecosystem in the Antartic, and the fact the the seasons are opposites in the north & south poles. Why not spend all that money to fight oil drilling,or back politicians that are pro-life, the life of the earth.

by sungrebe2 at 3:37 PM on 01 Apr 2008

What a relief

Boy I was had on this one, I hope!

by sungrebe2 at 3:47 PM on 01 Apr 2008

Polar Bears

When I first read this (sent to me by a relative who received it from a friend), I took it seriously. It almost seemed like a good idea. Forgive me, but I'm new to Grist, so I wasn't prepared for the joke, but then I realized that it was April 1st....OK, now I get it. Thanks for the neat introduction to Grist.

by Catwoman at 10:03 PM on 01 Apr 2008

A better idea?

Well, the IPCC Bali boondoggle is over, but there will be another one at some other posh resort destination.

My suggestion:

Select a northern European location (not too far north, but at least in a cooler climate).

Cordon off the resort hotel where the climate researchers are discussing the horrible consequences of and possible solutions to the imminent AGW threat.

Introduce approximately 100 polar bears into the conference center for a friendly encounter with the IPCC scientists, politicians and bureaucrats.

Hey folks, this is also just a (belated) April Fool's joke, so no offense intended.

Max

by manacker at 1:01 PM on 03 Apr 2008

ADVERTISING POLICY

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