Travolta: biggest, fattest, hypocritest

The latest on this earth-shattering story

Posted by David Roberts at 5:37 AM on 02 Apr 2007

This past Friday, I was once again invited to be on FOX's Hannity & Colmes. Last time, you'll recall, I was to discuss the grave and momentous subject of Al Gore's hypocrisy.

This time, the subject was even graver and momentouser: John Travolta's hypocrisy.

(Last time I got bumped for Daryl Hannah. This time I was both too busy and too sick. Someday!)

Travolta, you see, recently opined on the subject of global warming, just after driving a Harley down the red carpet at the premiere of his new movie Wild Hogs. Sayeth Travolta:

"It [global warming] is a very valid issue," Travolta declared. "I'm wondering if we need to think about other planets and dome cities.

"Everyone can do their bit. But I don't know if it's not too late already. We have to think about alternative methods of fuel.

Other planets and dome cities? Alternative methods of fuel? The man has clearly done his research.

But wait!

Turns out Travolta is an avid pilot and owns five -- yes, five -- private jets, some of which are parked at his palatial Florida estate. That means he probably has one of the highest individual carbon footprints in the world (this world anyway ...).

Only one conclusion can be drawn: John Travolta is a big fat hypocrite and global warming is a bunch of hype! The web's top journalists agreed: Travolta's comments show "why liberals get it wrong (on nearly everything!)."

Here at Grist, we plan to pursue this story tirelessly, devoting all our resources to getting to the bottom of just how big and fat a hypocrite John Travolta is. We will not rest until liberals and environmentalists stop allowing Travolta to serve as their spokesman. Decency and journalistic integrity demand it.

For story: Travolta: biggest, fattest, hypocritest
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Thetans for-and-against global warming

Thank Xenu that an environmental journalist is finally exhibiting the courage to take on the real important issues faced by our society today - namely celebrities with denial issues! Particularly celebrities who believe they are reincarnated immortals trying to deal with psychological traumas inflicted on their previous incarnations by extra-terrestrial dictators trillions of years ago. (But that does explain a lot about Saturday Night Fever.)

Who is Frank Rich anyway? What's important is whether Paris Hilton thinks that the "Fredo" Gonzales mess is about to implode all over the Bush Administration like a rotten habanero chile. Since Britney's out of rehab again, can we find out whether she thinks bioethanol fuel is for real or just another scam? Inquiring minds want to know.

Now that I realize that Rosie O'Donnell really supports the Iranian mullahs, I've decided to give up being a liberal and support our heroic president, our sharp-shooting vice president, and the ineffable Karl Rove with every fibre of my being.

Is the phogo of Travolta's estate with the planes and the runways for real? Didn't L. Ron say that Xenu transported his victims to earth in inter-stellar space planes that happened to look just like DC-8s built in Long Beach, California in the 1960s? Could one of JT's planes actually be....?? Is Karl Rove really an Operating Thetan?

Robert Delfs

by Robert Delfs at 7:14 AM on 02 Apr 2007

Couldn't resist this...

Dan Letterman, on his show last night..

"On Saturday ... Al Gore will be 59 years old. He'll have a cake with 59 candles. 59 candles? Well, hell, there's your global warming right there."

Robert Delfs

by Robert Delfs at 9:33 PM on 02 Apr 2007

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