"It's happened so many times that the old 'Sorry, I was drunk and cleaning my gun' routine just doesn't cut it anymore," said Mal R. Duck in a recent interview. "He shoots his buddy and it makes headlines, but what's missing from the news accounts is that he pulls the same bull [manure] on us all the time," said a clearly disgruntled Duck. "He's an ass___," a bywaddler added.

Calls to mammals, reptiles, and fishes for comment were not returned by press time.