Sometimes people speak of eliminating perverse subsidies, but the multiple meanings of "perverse" could evoke associations with sex that are not always helpful to the message.

These are only my personal opinions.

Another great S word, of course, is Seattle; and for a long time now I have been thinking that the most exciting thing that could happen to you in Seattle is if BioD comes chugging up next to you on his New-Age bike-mobile and asks to take your picture.

Woof-o-rama!

But now, this take-your-mug-to-school thing opens up all kinds of possibilities.

For starters, forget about that nonsense about mugs taking up space in your backpack.  As Malcolm says in "Jurassic Park," "Nature finds a way."

E.g., leave your school books at home -- as if they ever meant anything to anyone! -- , and carry, say, a half dozen mugs, which you have had printed (yes, that might cost you a few Dead Emancipators, but surely you will get value back, and more) with a photo of you in a bathing suit, looking very fit and sleek, hair perfect, tits strong and erect, perhaps a bit artificially enhanced; the abs, OK, as they are, if they are good, otherwise, don't worry, they can be painted in, there is software nowadays that works wonders with abs; a smoldering smile perhaps.

As for the bathing suit: well, perhaps you could do a couple of modelings, one that is more thongish, or Speedo-ish, and one that is a bit less obvious.  But not too much so.  The folds of even a long-legged trunkish thing can be so manipulated in the camera's eye, that it is hard (so to speak) not to imagine all kinds of excitement awaiting.

Act 2: Look around at the coffee shops, laser in on the cute ones, and notice if they are drinking out of paper cups (chances are, they are).  Then, at a conveniently unscripted-seeming moment, sidle up to the Alpha Zebra/Zebress in question, produce one of your mugs, and explain why cutey-pie A-Z would be much much happier toting your mug, with your otherwise suggestive image imprinted upon it, than continuing to put his/her desirable lips on that eco-unfriendly waxed paper cup.  Press the mug into his/her hooves, insist that he/she take it, but do not be (at first) overly boringly moralizing.

Act 3: Then what?!  Did you deliver enough contact info?  Were the e-mail and MySpace references printed on the mug?  All that is up to you.  The world's most romantic messages are scrawled, tequila-smurched phone numbers on napkins: hopefully, they are not too terribly eco-unfriendly.

Chickens deserve our true friendship! So do fish! So do other sentient beings! Let us learn to be kind.

And a bit of nipple action is always in order.

But really, the style is up to you at this point.

Be an artist.

Chickens deserve our true friendship! So do fish! So do other sentient beings! Let us learn to be kind.