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The Daily Grist Headline Battle Royale: Match 1

Posted by Chris Schults (Guest Contributor) at 1:28 PM on 24 Feb 2006

Read more about: shameless self-promotion

Is it me or has it been pretty serious here in Gristmill as of late? This is Grist -- "gloom and doom with a sense of humor," you know? Plus, it is Friday. So, I've decided to launch a new weekly tradition here in Gristmill: "The Daily Grist Headline Battle Royale"!

Here is how it will work:

  1. The Daily Grist Headline Battle Royale nominating committee (yours truly) will pick the top five Daily Grist headlines from the week based on humor, wit, and the presence of soy milk coming out of my nose.
  2. I'll post the top five headlines for your consideration.
  3. You vote. (Must be a registered Gristmillian.)
  4. The following week I present the winner and the new batch of nominees.
  5. And maybe -- just maybe -- at the end of the year we'll have a "Daily Grist Headline Deathmatch" where you choose the most punny headline of the year.

So here it goes -- the nominees are:

  1. Utahward Bound: NRC approves nuke-waste dump on Utah Indian reservation
  2. Mapled Crusaders: Community forests help revitalize New England towns
  3. The Midas Crutch: EPA may replace ozone-depleting chemical with cancer-causing chemical
  4. Finger-Lickin' Bad: How poultry producers are ravaging the rural South
  5. One King to Bring Them All and in the Darkness Bind Them: An interview with Sir David King, U.K.'s top scientist and climate crusader*

* As it was a short week due to the holiday, I included this one from last week. And it is a LOTR reference -- I just had to! (My precious made me do it.)

Vote

Now it is time to vote (click "Link and Discuss" below)! Remember, you have to be registered and logged into Gristmill to cast your vote.

(And PS, once you register, you'll also be able to post comments and submit your own posts within the Poverty & the Environment discussion area.)

Update [2006-2-25 9:7:16 by Chris Schults]: Apparently you don't have to be registered or logged into Gristmill to vote. We encourage you to register anyway so you can enjoy all the benefits of membership.

Remember: this is supposed to be fun. Happy Friday!

Poll
Choose the best headline:

Utahward Bound
Mapled Crusader
The Midas Crutch
Finger-Lickin' Bad
One King to Bring Them All and in the Darkness Bind Them

Votes: 36
Results

voting

I can't believe I have made the first vote, I spend too much time in front of my computer! As a loyal reader it is impossible to separate the title from the content. I was blown away by the chicken story and I don't care how clever the others are, content rules.

Thanks for playing

lloydalter, we're glad to have ya! If you're going to spend too much time in front of your computer, you might as well read Grist!

Well,

for my part I would have nominated Guess That Makes Us Punstitutes. It's witty! It's meta! It's brilliant! And by "brilliant" I mean "I came up with it." Which I suppose is why I'm not on the Daily Grist Headline Battle Royale nominating committee ...

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