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Elevator Pitch Contest finalists -- vote!

Posted by David Roberts at 11:27 AM on 16 Mar 2005

Our Elevator Pitch Contest brought in over 150 entries -- a number I'll happily refer to as "whopping." I know I said I was going to pick a winner, but ... it's just too dang hard.

Instead, Grist's crack staff of elevator pitch evaluators combed through the entries and picked out their 10 favorites. Now it's up to you, dear readers, to pick the winner, who will receive a VFOGT (Very First Official Grist T-shirt).

Click "link and discuss" below to vote!

(You need to be signed up for an account to vote -- if you haven't, you can do so here.)

Poll
What's the best elevator pitch for environmentalism?

Environmentalism is society's way of keeping the toilet from backing up. Without it we'd be awash in our own poop.
Environmentalism is waking up every day breathing clean air, drinking safe water, eating healthy food, having a real vote, and knowing that your grandkids -- and theirs -- will too.
Think of the Earth as a great bank whose funds are natural beauty and resources. Environmentalists are certified financial advisors. They give free advice about maintaining and increasing our wealth.
Environmentalism is about creating the world I want my grandkids to live in.
In our world's fish bowl we all drink the same water so don't crap in it.
Environmentalism is a way of ensuring your grandchildren aren't hideous, three-eyed monsters who are hungry and slowly, painfully dying of mercury poisoning in a vast wasteland stripped of color and life.
Our survival on this elevator depends upon its being well-cared for and maintained, likewise our survival on this planet depends upon our care and maintenance of its resources.
Environmentalism is about life extension. It's cheaper than cryonics and you don't have to die first.
Conservation is about health. We are our environment: the air we breathe, the water we drink. The health of our bodies, spirits, economies, and communities depends on a healthy environment.
Do you love breathing air and drinking water? Mountains, oceans, cities, streams? Want kids to grow up healthy, happy, and peaceful? That's environmentalism. It's about everyone and everything you love.

Votes: 2374
Results

Ahhhh maaaan

I liked this one:

"Environmentalism is ...
not taking the elevator but walking up the stairs."

Now all the uber cheesy pitches are winning.  C'mon people, stay strong. Resist the inner cheese-ball. Resist. For America. For the birds, grandchildren, butterflies, peaceful rivers, and, and... I can't go on, I'm getting all choked up.

Environmentalism is:

Responsible human reproduction, to prevent extermination of other species through loss of habitat, to prevent overuse of nonrenewable resources and to prevent pollution of the air, the ground and the water in the closed system of Spaceship Earth.

A write-in campaign...

... in favor of the following entry (not my own), which succinctly blends the need for knowledge and action, with a little dose of humility.

"Environmentalism is (1) seeking to understand how the things we do affect the complex system sustaining life on Earth and (2) when we find problems, having the courage to act."

Pitches

I would think one might note that touchingly evoking the best aspects of our world hasn't been making an effect for some time now.

Dedalus
elevator pitch

Riki Ott, in her writing on today's Interactivist, summed up what I was fumbling around, trying to express - "The earth is our home. If we trash it, where will we live?" To me, that sums it up very well.

Elevator Environmentalist

La Vida is right on! But, herein lies the problem...we're always taking the stairs and therefore forfeiting opportunities to talk to people on the elevator. Likewise, we are at the farmers' market and miss the scene at Safeway, at a peace rally and avoiding the NASCAR race, etc.  The only time we cross paths with "others" is at family holiday gatherings.


Elevator Pitch

At a time when environmentalism needs major reframing and persons everywhere are in need of the insertion of vast worldviews into their brains, this contest and its entries are pathetic and certainly not even possessed of the usual edgy humor that makes Gristmill worth the visit.

Worldview Insertion

"persons everywhere are in need of the insertion of vast worldviews into their brains ..."

Your patronizing tone aside, jcybergeekfrost, how do you propose we insert these worldviews? You may feel that all of the critical information won't fit into an elevator ride, but we must take advantage of the opportunities that we have. The world is a busy place, and people will not sit still for the massive re-education you advocate. Keep it simple, and make it fun, and give the edgy humor a rest for once -- it turns of a lot of people, especially those who don't share your views.

Dan

Environmentalism is NOT:

President Bush and his shenanigans!

Ahhhh maaaan

Well then build everything single story or underground, then you will always first be going downhill.

ldmstr/of/the/left
Enviromentalism is

It would seem the best sollution would be for all humanity to commit suicide and leave it to the animals.

ldmstr/of/the/left
Elavator Enviromentalist

A true environmentalist is first a teacher.  If all they do do is protest and be/little the masses for their lack of education, then how can an environmetalist really get anywhere but kicked in the teeth by the likes of MEEE!!!

ldmstr/of/the/left
Environmentalism ISN'T taking the stairs

Let's see you take the stairs up 25 flights carrying a fully loaded laptop bag that weighs a good 25 pounds. It's true that without the elevators we wouldn't have the skyscapers, but when the buildings are full, wouldn't we end up with more buildings and sprawl?

It's the same as the government giving a farm equipment rebate (farmers do need the heavy equipment) to folks buying stretch Humvees for limos - apples and grapefruit comparisons.

Yes - we each need to do what we can (when I am not overloaded and am not going up 15 flights, I take the stairs), but being priggish about it turns folks off!

I know it's late, but

Environmentalism is: making sure that my right to breathe outweighs a utility's right to pollute the air.  

I like redefining "the environment"

"The environment" is more than photos of pristine mountaintops and rivers on your calendar or that zip by on tv commercials for SUVs during the evening news. The environment is here, this elevator,  the parking lot, and the oil fields and electric plants that pollute the air and water so you can go about your life and work.  Caring about "the environment" means caring about all the actions done to the planet in your name.  It means giving our planet a voice, and fighting to minimize the destruction that allows you to stand here and breathe while you wait for the door to open.

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